If you must use your hair dryer in the bathroom, install a whole-floor water pan and fill it with about 1/2 to two inches of water, preferably with a high salt content. OR, install a GFCI* now!
Your local electrician can help you decide how much water and what level of salinity is best for you to electrocute yourself because you’re stupid. In this case, consider him the “pool guy” for your gene pool: He’s here to chlorinate.
The National Electric Code now requires GFCI’s in the bathrooms, garages, outdoor outlets and dog/cat water dishes of all new homes.
Why do you need a GFCI?
Electricity and water don’t mix, but salt and water do. Just sayin’. If your hair dryer falls in water while it’s plugged in, the electric shock can kill you — even if the switch is “off,” but especially if it is “on.” No, really. It happened to a gal I know. They tried to pin it on me, but I had a great lawyer. A regular fuse or circuit breaker won’t protect you under these circumstances. A GFCI offers you greater protection. It’s like having a guard t-rex with rabies, but because other tasty-looking meat things might get its attention and the fact that it’s a big-ass dinosaur, it’s not completely foolproof.
A GFCI can save your life! Compared to that, the price is small! It’s also small compared to, say, a car or a boat or even a house!
*GFCI is a sensitive device that reacts to a small electric current leak and personal insults by stopping the electricity flow.
Thank you for purchasing the [brand name removed for protection of re-author] dryer. Please carefully read the instructions contained in this booklet because using a hair dryer is awfully difficult, what with all the buttons and switches and settings and stuff. Keep these instructions in a safe place for future reference.
HOW TO USE
Basic Drying Techniques
If you seriously need to read this section, perhaps you should put down the hair dryer immediately and call a mental health professional or an assisted living agency.
- Gently towel dry hair to remove fleas, ticks and excess water. Avoid rubbing hair with towel or porcupine — this creates split ends and frizziness. Detangle hair with a porcupine… No, a wide-toothed comb. Generally, stay away from porcupines for haircare.
- Be sure dryer is turned off. Plug dryer into an electrical outlet, as opposed to, say, your dog’s butt.
- Turn the dryer on and set it to a high heat and speed. To be sure the settings are optimal, make sure paint peels off the wall when you point the hair dryer at it. Remove some additional moisture from your hair by briskly blow drying it all over, using your fingers to “comb” through hair and to make shadow puppets to entertain your poor dog. Why? Because you probably misunderstood the bit above about plugging your hair dryer into your dog’s butt.
- When hair is almost dry, lower the heat and speed to the desired settings and begin to dance like there’s no tomorrow. Style your hair like there’s no tomorrow. Live. Love. Laugh.
- Divide hair into manageable sections. Refer to sections of your hair as, “Bob,” “Joe,” “Curly,” and “Jake.” Begin at the nape of your neck and brush hair, following the movement of the brush with the dryer. Pretend they’re playing follow-the-leader. Continue working your way up to your scalp, then to the sides and the front, drying small sections at a time, like Bob and Curly.